i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
