I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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