I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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