In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
