His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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