On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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