I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
