If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
