bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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