I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i wish my penis had a tongue
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
