When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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