Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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