Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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