That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
