Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
