my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
