One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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