I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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