TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
