The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
