Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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