***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
