You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
