i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
