I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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