Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
