you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
