Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize