Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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