Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
