just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
it's great music for shaving your balls
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
