There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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