I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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