she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
