I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
