So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
