whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
