I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
