I looked at my own cervix.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
