...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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