You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
