im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
