I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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