The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
