Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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