haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize