My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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