he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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