I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
