i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
