Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
