Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize