So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
