I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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