some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
