He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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