There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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