i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
