She is in my trunk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
