Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize