so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
