He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
