my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
