So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
