Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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