i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
