Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
handjob tips. give me some.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
