Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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