Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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