Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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