About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
