My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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