she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
